


Indefinitely, Maybe

by Freerangeegghead



Series: Make You Be My Love [1]
Category: Booksmart (2019)
Genre: ADORABLE GAYS, Adorable Amy, Angst, Bad ass Hope, College student Amy and Hope, F/F, Films, Fluff, Hope is awesome, Love, Nerds being totes adorbs, Post-Canon, Relationship(s), Romance, What happens in Botswana, somuchfeels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-23 11:34:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19150210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freerangeegghead/pseuds/Freerangeegghead
Summary: In which Amy navigates post-high school life and finds something she never knew she was looking for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rating: Rated T ~ M. Themes, no smut. Angst. 
> 
> Warnings/Spoilers: Femslash. Post-canon. Mentions of canon. Spoilers for movie.
> 
> Genre: General. Not exactly comedy. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing owned, nothing gained, prose all author’s. Give credit where credit is due though. (Please don't download and upload again and pass it off as your own.)
> 
> Author’s note: Just for fun because the movie needed more Hope and Amy. Two-shot only. Unbeta'ed. Mistakes mine.

Amy stands anxiously at Sir Seretse Khama International Airport looking at each passenger emerging from every flight from Europe, hoping she could spot a familiar face in the crowd. She checks the flight numbers on the monitor against her phone, noticing that her phone is about to die, worried that she won't be able to answer Hope if Hope tries to call her. Hope hasn't called her yet. Hope had given Amy her number and her Instagram account and for a time, as Amy settled into Gaborone and Hope started backpacking around Europe, they would post  photos and videos that each one would like and no more.

As Hope uploads photos and videos of her time in London, Paris, Barcelona, Milan, Berlin and Amsterdam, Amy would post photos of her first time at Sir Seretse Khama International Airport, her first time meeting Mma. Treasure Molefe and her family, her first time with the women at the community center during her tampon-making workshops, photos of Gaborone and its life. The tampon-making workshops aren't the hit that she expected it to be but her supervisor had also suggested helping kids learn English and that, well, that was something she could actually do. Her supervisor had arranged some sessions with the children at school and she'd been teaching them subject verb agreements, verb conjugations, run-ons and sentence fragments.

Two months into her placement in Botswana, Amy realizes she loves the country. She hadn't expected to love the people, Gaborone, even her work, as much as she would but she does.

Mma. Molefe and her family are very nice and warm and made her integration into the community very easy. Their house is a simple, roomy one and though she freaked out at first after finding out that Mma. Molefe's grandmother was buried underground beneath a small, mud-walled round house, a rondavel, in the yard, she'd adjusted quite well.

Overall, she can't really complain about anything, even the heat or the dryness. The only thing she could probably complain about is the internet. Mma. Molefe had internet, but she doesn't really want to use it when Molly sends NSFW gifs and memes and emails with subjects that start with "Are you 69ing anyone yet?"

She finally bought one of those prepaid internet dongles from Orange. It cost her some 199 Pula but it also meant she could chat with Molly in private in her room if the connection is good.

Molly's her connection to things back home, giving her updates on Annabelle (Molly'd stopped calling her Triple A), Dick Splinter, Allen, Theo, even Nick and Ryan. Mostly though they talk about Molly's summer job and updates on Amy's life in Botswana.

"Hey, heard from your girlfriend yet?" Molly would usually ask towards the end of the call.

"Girlfriend?"

Molly would grin evilly, eyes comically popping out. "Your girlfriend, Hope," she says eagerly, hands flying around, adding, "You know, that girl whose vag you mis..."

Amy would roll her eyes and quickly say, in affection and exasperation, "Shut up. It was just the one time. And she's _not_ my girlfriend."

Molly would chuckle then and she would wonder again about Hope and whether Hope likes Amy or not and why she isn't on  facebook.

Amy would say, of course, that she doesn't think Hope likes her that way and it sets Molly off on a list of things that would make her think otherwise: she went to Amy's house and returned her clothes, she gave her her number, she was _nice_ , for once. "Plus!" Molly says, "She kissed you. On purpose! That's like...second base for gay people right?"

Amy would shrug and say that doesn't mean anything, even though she wants it to. Even if Hope had surprised Amy that night at the bathroom by kissing her back, by being nice and cool and offering to stop if Amy wanted to, and being gentle with Amy even when she fumbled and fucked up, up to the point where she threw up on her. And even though Amy couldn't help but notice how beautiful Hope suddenly looked the day she visited Amy at her house, and how she looked smiling at Amy, she also was very aware that nothing was going to happen: they were all going their separate ways - she was doing a year in Botswana, Hope was going backpacking. She doesn't even know what she would want from Hope if something _did_ happen. She didn't think Hope was the relationship kind of person and Amy didn't know if she herself wanted a relationship. Still, she couldn't forget the thrill of that night, Hope kissing her back, Hope letting her undress her, Hope being open and appreciative of her and then showing up at her doorstep after graduation even after that clusterfuck Amy pulled. And she couldn't ignore the odd fluttering in the pit of her stomach when Hope smiled at her and looked at her the way she did.

Finally, Amy would tell Molly, "She's not into me. There are a few things I am fairly certain of in this life - Jared's car will kill us all, climate change is killing our eggs, Trump has single-handedly set us back into the stone ages but Hope? No. She's not into me. I mean, look at her. She's a 10."

"What are you talking about? She's an 8 at least. You're a 10. She'd be lucky to be with someone like you."

"Aaww, thanks, Mol."

"You're welcome," Molly says with a flourish. "If you do find someone, remember that New York Times article that lists a number of questions you're supposed to ask to make someone fall in love with you. I'm sending you the link."

"What is this?" Amy asks, clicking the link and scanning the questions.

"Amy, you and I both know you don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to conversations with women."

"What? No. I'm great with women. I got Hope's number."

"That was a fluke and she was probably high," Molly points out. "I mean, face it. You've got no game. This is going to remedy that."

***

So it is a surprise for Amy one particularly hot and sleepless night just scrolling through Hope's pictures of London Eye, Leicester Square, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, The Louvre,  the Basilica, Barcelona Cathedral, streets of Amsterdam, parks and cobbled streets and rivers and trees in full spring bloom when she sees the DM from Hope. They'd randomly liked each other's photos over the course of the past few weeks and hadn't even left so much as a comment on each other's uploads. It occurs to Amy how odd it is that Molly is her only friend from Crockett and it feels nice to just get to know about somebody else's life, even just through pictures. Amy knows Hope doesn't really like posting photos of herself and even if she did, her face is usually obscured or blurry or out of focus. Most of her photos are of landmarks and streets and other people, slices of everyday European life or hers: a cup of cappuccino at an outdoor cafe, a slice of cake, a croissant, a breakfast of sunny side up eggs, fish and chips and pizza and cheap, messy rooms and random shots of her Converse shoes and her favorite fringe jacket.

She doesn't know what to think when she opens the message, heart pounding against her chest and getting oddly disappointed when the message only contains "Hey" which is so very Hope she smiles to herself, hesitating first before replying "Hey" back. As she debates whether to message Molly about Hope messaging her, Hope replies quickly, much to her surprise.

 _What's up?_ Hope says. _How are you?_

 _I'm good_ , she replies. _You?_

It's awkward and weird, messaging the girl she tried to sleep with the night before graduation, but she finds it comforting, too.

 _I'm good_ , Hope replies.

 _That's great_ , Amy says, at a loss for words. She could already hear Molly saying she needs to up her game a bit more when it comes to talking to girls, but how does even one talk to the effortlessly cool Hope? But she tries anyway, with a _How's the backpacking going?_

 _It's great, hit a couple of snags along the way but I'm enjoying it,_ Hope replies.

Amy smiles and is about to reply when Hope types a message again.

_Listen, um, I hope you don't mind my asking...but that couch to crash on offer...is that still on the table?_

Amy's heart seems to stop and start again and she doesn't know what to reply as she stares at her screen.

 _'Cause I kind of was thinking of going to Africa_ , _and I remembered you were in Botswana and I was wondering if I could still crash on your couch?_

Amy stares at the screen, dumbfounded. Hope, effortlessly cool and impossibly hot Hope wants to crash on her metaphorical couch in Botswana. She wants to fistpump, hop on the floor and moonwalk and do the mash potato and break dance and pop and lock and maybe scream at the top of her lungs.

_I mean...that is, if it's not too much trouble..._

Amy is about to reply when Hope messages again and says, _You're right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked._

Amy quickly types _Yes_ . She can already hear Molly saying that was too easy, that she needed to play hard to get a bit and that girls like that shit. _Which girls?_ She'd ask this Molly in her imaginary conversation. _All the girls!_ Molly would say. _Get out of my head, Molly!_ she tells herself.

 _Yes?_ Hope types back.

 _Yes_ , Amy confirms. _I'd love it if you could come_. She'd already sent the message before she stops and thinks, _Wait? Love? Fuck._ What was she thinking? Hope would freak. _They barely even like each other!_

She's in the middle of a freak out when Hope simply replies, _Okay_.

Hope gives her the tentative details of her flight plan. She hadn't booked a flight in case Amy said no.

 _Why would I say no?_ Amy had asked her.

Amy could already see Hope shrug. _Dunno. Like, you don't even know me_.

Amy smiles at that. _Well, maybe we should_ ...she pauses... _get to know each other more then_. When she types that, she almost kicks herself for saying that. It sounds weird, even to her ears, so she quickly says, _But like, not in a biblical sense or anything...just...well, we could get to know each other more...if you want to_.

It takes a second for Hope to reply but when she does, Amy breathes a sigh of relief.

 _LOL. I'm pretty sure we_ do _know each other in the biblical sense. You're funny. Talk to you later?_  Hope says.

Amy smiles. _Sure_.

***

And that's how Amy finds herself at the airport, fidgeting in her blue jumper as she fiddles with her phone. Hours earlier, Hope had called her as her plane was about to fly out of Heathrow, informing her they're about to take off. She could hear a man with a British accent saying in the background, "I'm sorry, you're not supposed to use your phone? It's bad for the plane" and Hope replying snarkily, "What are you, the plane doctor?" before telling Amy, "Sorry. I have to go. Call you later?"

But Hope hasn't called her and Amy is getting anxious and worried. Where's the plane? Is her flight delayed? Did it get lost? How does a plane get lost in the African skies anyway?

As she looks around at the sea of African faces, getting worried by the second, she sees the crowd seemingly part, then a tall, long-haired woman come through with a backpack, wearing familiar, tight, faded Levi's jeans, white shirt and Converse shoes, fringe jacket on one arm.  The girl is looking around as well but then she spots Amy and there's a flash of recognition and relief before a slow smile spreads across her face. Amy smiles back and waves at her. Hope raises a hand and grins as she makes her way to Amy.

"Hey," Hope finally says.

Amy swallows, then smiles, looking up at Hope. "Hey."

They stand there in awkward silence, Amy squinting up at Hope. How is Hope this tall? she thinks. Did she grow an inch since they last saw each other? And how is she this beautiful? How...

"Yeah, I know, I'm literally a giant," Hope mutters, embarrassed, as if she'd just heard what Amy had just been thinking.

Amy shakes her head. "No, it's fine, I mean I wish I was that..."

"Freakishly tall?" Hope offers.

Amy laughs nervously, shakes her head and before she could stop herself, says, "Perfect."

Hope stops. Amy feels a blush crawl up her neck. Hope gives her a little smile.

"Um, yeah,"Amy says. "We should go..." Her voice trails off and she clears her throat.

"You look nice," Hope offers with a smile.

Amy smiles, surprised at the random compliment. "Thanks," she mutters.

"You look like an auto mechanic," Hope says teasingly."Or a poor astronaut."

The smile on Amy's face drops. "Oh."

"An _adorable_ mechanic," Hope adds with a twinkle in her eye.

Amy grins. "Thanks." They stare at each other for a moment as they are jostled and pushed and bumped by other people. Amy finally breaks eye contact, and says, "Is that all your luggage? How was your flight?"

"Yeah." Hope shrugs. "The flight was okay. Food was kinda not good, though. Kinda hungry."

Amy nods. "Yeah? You want to eat now?"

Hope smiles with relief. "Yeah, that would be great. Lead the way."

As they make their way out of the airport, Amy says, "You have any particular preference? McDonald's? KFC?  They've got a couple in the city. It's capitalism at its worst. And I can't even on their carbon footprint. Or Nando's...that's a local fastfood chain..."

Hope is already shaking her head. "Nah, I've tried Nando's. They have one in London. "

"You didn't like it?"

Hope shrugs. "It's okay. But aren't you vegan or something?"

Amy is surprised that Hope remembers she doesn't eat meat. "Vegetarian actually. But I've kind of started eating meat again."

"Oh?"

Amy shrugs. "Yeah. I mean a lot of the people here eat meat. And it got tedious just asking for vegetarian dishes all the time?" Hope nods, leaning over a bit so she can hear Amy speak, acknowledging  what Amy is saying. Amy feels conscious having Hope this close, recalling the time when they were even closer. "And I felt like I was missing out on a lot of the local food if I just limited myself to vegetarian food."

"Cool," Hope says.

As they step out of the airport and stand on the side, a flock of cab drivers descend on them, surprising Hope. Amy shakes her head at the gaggle of cab drivers, casually puts a hand on Hope's elbow and gently leads her away from the cab drivers and into the parking lot. "Airport cabs are criminally expensive, " she explains as she leads Hope to an old, battered Toyota sedan.

As they enter the car, Hope says, "Amy, there's a hole on the floor of your car."

Amy glances at the passenger side  and says,"Oh yeah, it's my host family's car. They let me borrow it. Don't worry about it." She looks at Hope as she starts the car. "So where to?"

Hope says, "I'd actually like to try local food."

"Yeah?" Amy says. "You sure? Cause we've got pap and _Mapane_ worms and _Seswaa, Vetkoek, Serobe_ and _biltong_...it's not for everyone."

"Yes, all of that's fine, Amy," Hope says with a quirk in her smile.

"Cool, let's do this."

***

After the initial awkwardness of seeing Hope again, they start to relax as they ease into the city, Amy talking about the work she's doing in the community as Hope fills her in on her travels. As they talk, Hope takes in Gaborone's wide traffic-free, tree-lined roads, the occasional, random billboard and the buildings. Amy explains that it's a Sunday, so the roads aren't as congested.

"This city looks nice," Hope comments.

"Yeah, I love it but you, wow, you've been to all these places," Amy says. "While I've just been here. I'm so jealous."

Hope shrugs. "Just because you've just been here doesn't mean you haven't had a journey, too."

Amy can't help but smile at that. Has Hope always been this insightful?

They drive in silence for awhile but as they enter the city, Amy starts pointing out landmarks, buildings housing government offices, museums, art galleries, football stadiums, parks and game reserves.

"Cool," Hope says at the end of Amy's mini-tour guide.

"What do you want to see first?" Amy asks.

Hope shrugs. "Everything."

Amy nods. They stop by the market for some _Mapane_ worms and some _Braii_ meat, Hope taking photos in the meantime. She shoves a packet of strips of dried meat on Hope's hands and tells Hope, " _Biltong_. Really good. You should try it."

Hope nods. "Okay."

As she watches Hope try to bite the hard, dried meat, she smiles. She hadn't known Hope was this adventurous, willing to try new things, willing to open herself up to new experiences. She is thinking about this when Hope notices her staring at her.

"What?"

Amy shakes her head, says, "Nothing." She looks at Hope as she chews a bit more of the Biltong. Suddenly her phone rings, surprising her. She answers it and it's Mma. Molefe, asking her where she and her friend are.

"Um, we're in town?" Amy answers. "She was hungry and I thought I'd just...feed her first?"

Mma. Molefe makes an impatient noise and Amy stops. She knows Mma. Molefe is about to tell her something. "No. Uh-uh. You are bringing her home. You are eating here. We are cooking pap and there is Braii and we are preparing _Seswaa_ and _bogobe_ and _morogo_..."

Hope watches Amy's face as she talks to her host family. Amy nods and smiles and says, "Yeah", "okay" and "sure" before she says goodbye, stares at her phone briefly, ends the call and looks at Hope.

"What?"

Amy gives her a sheepish smile. "My host family prepared dinner for you. And beer. They told me to bring you home..."

"Um, what?" Hope asks.

"Yeah, sorry," Amy says, apologetically. "They wanted to welcome 'Amy's special friend'..."

Hope looks at her, eyebrows knit in confusion. "Special friend?"

"Um, I didn't tell them anything...I guess for them if someone goes all the way to Botswana to visit a friend, then that makes them kind of special."

Hope's face looks serious for a second before she says, "Well, we do kind of share a 'special' friendship..."

Amy blushes. "Shut up,"she says bashfully.

Hope chuckles.

***

Meeting Amy's host family is surreal. Mma. Molefe, a kind, traditionally built woman in her late thirties with two children in grade school, has prepared a feast for Amy and Hope that surprises both of them.

"You didn't have to do all of this," Amy says to Mma. Molefe.

"Yeah," Hope nods, embarrassed. "You didn't have to go to all this trouble. I'm sorry, this is too much."

Mma. Molefe beams with pride at the food laid on the the table and shakes her head. "It is fine. It is our pleasure and honor to have you stay here. Thank you for visiting our Amy, Hope."

Hope smiles back at Mma. Molefe, thanking her profusely and politely and Amy feels her heart flutter again. On the way to Mma. Molefe's house, in one of Gaborone's suburbs, Amy had given Hope a crash course on Botswana and its culture. She talks about _ubuntu_ and _botho_ , a principle of respect,good manners,compassion,helpfulness,politeness and humility that the people of Botswana believe in. She emphasizes how this principle plays an important role in the way the people interact in society and how respect and politeness are valued, by giving such examples as taking one's hat or cap off when speaking to an elder or entering any building, offering one's seat to an elder and greeting people before beginning a conversation or asking for something. Hope listens attentively and even tries to speak some Setswana.

" _Dumelang_ ,"Amy begins.

" _Dumelang_ ," Hope says.

Amy nods. "Okay. That means 'Hello'. _O tsogile jang_ means 'How are you'?"

Hope slowly follows her pronunciation.

" _Leina la me ke_ means 'My name is...'" Amy continues. " _Leina la me ke_ Amy _._ "

" _Leina la me ke_ Hope," Hope says.

"That's right,"Amy says. "You're a fast learner."

Hope grins. "Thanks. I have a good teacher." Amy smiles at her. "So you speak it fluently now? Sets..."

"Setswana?"

"Yeah."

"No, not really. I only know those and _Ke eng phiri e le mo tante yame? And Ke a go rata ?_ "

"What do those mean?"

Amy sighs. "The first one means, 'Why is there a hyena in my tent'?" Hope chuckles at that. Then Amy continues, "The second one means, 'Where is the bathroom'?"

Hope laughs. "That's actually quite useful."

Amy nods. "Yeah. It is."

***

After dinner, when they retire to their rooms, Hope stands uncertainly in the middle of Amy's room, freshly showered and wearing sleep shorts and a tank top, her dirty clothes having been thrown in the wash by Amy.

"What's wrong?" Amy asks, as she pulls out a mat, a small mattress, a bed sheet, a blanket and pillows. "You sleep on the bed, I'll sleep on the floor."

"Um, I don't want to kick you out of your own bed," Hope says, uncomfortable.

Amy turns to her. "It's not a big deal. The bed is just as hard as the floor."

Hope says, "I can't let you sleep on the floor."

Amy looks at her. "It's fine."

"Why don't you take the bed? I'll sleep on the floor," Hope offers.

Amy stops. "Um, no."

"Well, the bed's big enough for both of us," Hope insists. "I don't mind sharing."

"Hope..."

"This isn't going to turn weird for you, is it?" Hope asks anxiously. "Because I can also probably just get a bed and breakfast, it's not a big deal..."

"It's late and you just came from a long flight and what kind of host am I if I just let you go running off to a bed and breakfast in the middle of the night?" Amy says. "And no, it's not weird, okay?"

"Are you sure? Because I'd sleep more easily if you sleep on the bed, too," Hope says.

"Alright, fine, we're sharing the bed," Amy says resignedly, sighing. "But if I start snoring or kicking you, don't say I didn't warn you."

Hope grins. "Okay."

As soon as Hope hits the bed and rolls off to the side nearest the wall, she's asleep, leaving Amy awake and very aware of her presence, thinking about her and her nearness and how she smells of soap and shampoo and distinctly Hope. By the time she falls asleep, Hope has moved to Amy's side, nose buried in her hair, breathing even and deep, as her body casually moves closer to Amy's.

***

Amy wakes to Hope's left arm on her stomach, face buried in Amy's shoulder, breath tickling her neck. Amy feels something flare within her at Hope's proximity, long legs all tangled with hers, and so Amy slowly moves away from her body and slips out of bed, but not before staring at Hope sleeping on her bed, early morning sun casting a soft glow on her, making her look younger than her eighteen years. Amy spots a small tattoo behind and below her ear, a tattoo of a paper plane. Amy tilts her head and studies it, tries to remember if she's seen it before but thinks, by how faintly red and swollen it is, that it is new. Amy wants to reach out, trace a finger on the tattoo, then run a finger on Hope's cheekbones, her nose, her lips, her brow, her jaw.  She wants to run her fingers on her skin, remembers how smooth she felt beneath her but then realizes she's been staring at her like a creeper and decides to take her early morning cup of bush tea instead.

She's sipping her tea out at the porch - Mma. Molefe had already left, as did the children and so she and Hope have the house to themselves.  A few minutes later, Hope stumbles out, groggy and yawning. Amy turns and smiles at her, handing her a cup of bush tea.

"Hey," Hope says by way of greeting, grinning and thanking her for the tea.

"Hey," Amy replies.

They drink their tea in comfortable silence, Amy sitting on a chair, Hope standing, leaning on the wall, lighting up a cigarette. Finally, after a few seconds, Hope finishes her cigarette and says, "This place is so fucking pretty."

Amy nods. "Yeah." She pauses for a bit before she asks, "Is it better than any place you've been to in Europe?"

Hope shakes her head. "I can't really compare. This place is beautiful but Europe has its charms."

"What's your favorite so far?"

"Amsterdam?" Hope says. When Amy laughs, Hope quickly adds, "And not because of the weed or the weird freak sex shops either..."

Amy's face grows interested. "They have sex shops?"

"Yeah," Hope answers, grinning. "So, I thought you were going to work today?"

"I...took a leave?" Amy says, trying not to blush. "I mean, I'm entitled to some leaves anyway, so. They were okay with it."

Hope smiles shyly. "You didn't have to do that."

Amy shrugs, trying not to blush even more. "It's okay. I wanted to see the place anyway. And you don't know the place like I do, so I can help get you cheap bargains and help you go to the places where most of the hippos are."

Hope chuckles. "I'd love to see those."

"I wasn't sure if you wanted to, but there's a bus going to Capetown via Johannesburg, too, but it costs a hundred dollars and it's like a full day going there and coming back,"Amy adds. "You up for that? I could take you to Namibia, too, but that's over forty hours from here via bus if we go via Jburg..."

Hope is shaking her head uncertainly and lifting her shoulders. "Not sure about Namibia, or South Africa...I'm kind of on a tight budget right now, and I'm just going to be here a week or so...'cause I have to get home before school starts - sort out dorms and enrollment and all that stuff so..."

Amy nods. "Okay. That's fine, Botswana has a lot of things to offer. I'll be more than happy to show you around."

"Cool," Hope says. "So, what now?"

"Well, we figure out itinerary, transportation, costs, stuff like that..."

Hope grins. "Amy, I'm pretty sure you've already figured that out."

Amy smiles. "Um, actually..."

***

As it turns out, Amy _had_ figured out everything and by mid-morning they're on their way to  the Gaborone Game Reserve, a 1,500-acre park east of the city where they see impala, kudu, ostriches, wildebeest, zebras, gemsbok, bushbuck, springbok, duiker, common eland, and common warthogs.  Over the next couple of days or so, Amy takes her to Kgale Hill, Mokolodu Nature Reserve and the Gaborone dam. After taking and uploading photos, Hope finally tells her, "Um, I think I'm done with all this...nature. Maybe something else?"

"Right, we can do that," Amy says, so she takes her to some museums and galleries, and once, the night before Hope's flight back to the U.S., a club, where they dance and listen to contemporary music and the latest Setswana music, Hope laughing at Amy's dancing, at the end of which, Hope smiles at her and says, "You have a really cute smile."

Amy smiles back and says, "So, do you."

Then Hope stops, her fingers reaching out to touch Amy's wrist and she says, face all serious, "Thank you, for showing me around. I really appreciate it."

Amy beams. "You're welcome."

"If you ever feel like you need a place to crash Stateside, my couch is always available," Hope offers.

"We live in the same state," Amy points out.

"You never know," Hope says.

They spend the rest of the night close together but barely touching, but Amy feels like she wants to touch her the whole night. As they lie side by side on Amy's bed, sharing a cigarette, Amy asks, "So, ready to go back home?"

Hope is silent then she sighs. "No. Not really. "

Amy looks at her. "Why?"

"I don't know. College, majors, student loans, adult life," Hope says. "I feel this impending sense of doom...like my life as I know it is over and I'm about to jump off a precipice with no clue whether I live or die..." She looks at Amy. "Wow, dark, right?"

Amy nods. "Yeah. No. It's fine. I get that."

Hope turns to her, doe eyes staring intensely at Amy. "Do you?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's hard..."

"I always thought you had your life figured out," Hope says. "I bet it's all planned out, pre-law, law school, internship at some sick law firm, become some dope prosecutor, maybe make D.A...maybe run for Mayor or Congress or something..."

Amy smiles. "I think you've got me confused with Molly..."

"What, you weren't thinking of going to law school?"

"I didn't say I wasn't," Amy clarifies. "But I'm surprised you're not sure. You always looked cool and together in high school..."

Hope rests her head on her hand. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I may look like I've got my shit together, but I don't," Hope says. "In fact, this backpacking thing was about that...just figure my shit out."

"And have you? Figured out your shit?"

Hope shrugs. "No, but getting there."

Amy nods. "Good for you." They fall silent again, before Amy asks, curious, "Where are you going off to college anyway?"

"Why are you and Molly obsessed about this?" Hope asks. "Molly asked me the exact same thing."

"I'm sorry, I was just, curious, I guess."

Hope sighs. "NYU. Where are you going off to?"

"Columbia."

"Nice," Hope says. After a silence, she says earnestly again, "And, really, thank you for making time for me."

"You're welcome."

Amy grins. "Anyway, I was just thinking how bummed I am we didn't get to know each other that well in high school..."

Hope lifts one shoulder and waves a hand. "You were doing your thing with Molly and I was...doing my thing, so..."

Hope trails off and Amy nods. Hope had always been a loner and she's wondered how she'd missed Hope all this time.

"But you hated me..."Amy says then.

Hope shakes her head. "I didn't...hate you," she says, awkward and embarrassed. "I just...I was an asshole, so...Clearly I had some issues..."

Amy nods. "Yeah."

"I mean, I didn't think you would show me around now...but yeah..."

"Don't worry about it,"Amy says.

"I mean, I was an ass to you most of high school..."

"No, you weren't,"Amy says.

"Yes, I was."

"Only the last couple of years, and even then, you were just being your basic teenaged girl going through puberty," Amy says.

"See, I don't understand that."

"What?"

"How you're so _nice_. Like nobody's that nice."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"It's a good thing," Hope says. "I mean, I know you're best friends and all but Molly can be a bit much, but you...everyone likes you...Gigi, George, Alan..." Hope pauses, says softly, "Me..."

Amy blushes and looks at Hope. She clears her throat. "Anyway, we can remedy that now."

"What?"

"The thing about not knowing each other."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Apparently, there's a set of questions you could use to get to know someone that's been done by some researcher that's guaranteed to help you get to know someone," Amy explains. 

Hope chuckles. "Of course." When Amy doesn't say anything, Hope says, "Well, out with it. What do you want to know?"

Amy grins. "What's your favorite music?"

"You'll laugh, but, I'm a bit more lame than your average 18 year old," Hope says. "I like Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen and Mumford and Sons and Kodaline and shit like that."

Amy studies her. "That makes sense, actually. Favorite movie?"

"Alphaville. Metropolis. Wings of Desire. Seven Samurai. I like old movies."

"Never heard of them," Amy says. "Are you secretly an old woman?"

Hope chuckles. "Yeah, I am."

"Favorite book?"

"Into the Wild, the one about Christopher McCandless," Hope answers. "He ditches college to go travel around US and dies in Alaska. You probably heard of the movie."

"Is that the one where he chops off his arm?"

"No, you're thinking of 127 hours," Hope clarifies. "But close. It's cute you think Into the Wild and 127 Hours are the same movie."

Amy looks at her and laughs. Hope returns her gaze, studying her carefully.

Before either one knows it, Amy is kissing Hope, rolling on top of her, hands cupping her face. She's surprised and relieved when Hope kisses her back, one hand cupping her cheek, the other holding her neck. They kiss and kiss and kiss before Hope draws back and whispers, "Are you sure about this?"

Amy nods before kissing her again but as she reaches down beneath Hope's shirt, Hope's hand comes down and gently holds Amy's wrist. Amy stops.

"Red," Hope whispers.

"What?" Amy whispers back.

"If and when things get a bit too intense or...whatever...we can say 'red'...like a safe word...you know..."

Amy's eyes light up in recognition. "Oh, like Malala..."

"What?"

"When Molly and I want the other one to do something, we say Malala and..."she stops when she notices the confused look on Hope's face. "You're right, we shouldn't talk about Molly when we're making love," she says, leaning over to start kissing Hope again as Hope enthusiastically nods.

But then Hope stops and says, "That's a real mood-killer right there..."

"What, talking about Molly?"

Hope shakes her head and half-laughs. "Referring to this as making love..."

"Oh...right, sorry."

When Hope sees the disappointed look on Amy's face, "I'm sorry. I'm being an ass..."

"It's okay, you're right,"Amy says. "I'm a dork..."

Hope holds her face and looks deep in her eyes. "No, you're not."

"Yeah, I am."

"No. You're _not_ , okay?" Hope says, more firmly. "Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise."

Amy laughs nervously. "Okay."

Hope smiles back. When Amy leans over to kiss her again, Hope puts a hand on her chest. "Amy..." she says softly.

Amy stops and looks at her. "What?"

Hope hesitates before she tucks Amy's hair behind her ear. "You know I think you're a great person, yeah?"

Amy deflates, nods. She sighs. "But..."

Hope takes a sharp intake of breath. "But...I'm kind of in a weird transitional phase right now, Amy. And I'm not looking for a relationship or anything long-term right now...I mean, I just think it's dangerous to find personal fulfillment in relationships..."

Amy listens to her, understanding dawning in her eyes, before she pauses and nods, swallowing. "Oh, yeah, right," she finally says, her voice cracking a little. "I wasn't...looking for a relationship either...I mean, I'm spending  a year in Botswana and we're going off to college...There's so much going on, I don't think I'd have time for a relationship..."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Amy says. "Besides, I didn't think you were the relationship type anyway. I've never seen you with anyone in school or..."

Hope looks at her, knitting her eyebrows. "Um, yeah, that's right." She thinks about it some more before she says, "I'd probably be a bad girlfriend to you anyway..."

"No, you wouldn't."

"Yeah, I would be," Hope insists. "I mean I'm trying this new thing where I should be the best version of myself...but I don't think I can evolve as much as I want to right now."

"Hey, don't say that," Amy says softly. "I think you're great."

"You don't mean that."

"I do." When Hope just laughs it off, Amy says, "I think you're good and kind and smart and any girl would be lucky to have you."

Hope smiles.

"Right, yeah." Amy rolls off Hope, stares off at the ceiling. They lie in silence for a bit, before Amy turns to Hope again. "That's...Well, what do we do now?"

Hope's lifts one shoulder, quirks a smile. "Well, that doesn't mean we can't actually have one more night..."

Amy looks at her, a smile slowly spreading over her face. "Right. For research."

Hope chuckles. "Right. Research. You are such a nerd."

Amy gives her a toothy grin. "You know it," she says, as she rolls on top of Hope again.

Hope holds Amy as Amy kisses her again, fingers reaching down, touching Hope's waistband to her underwear. Hope stops her again.

"What now?" Amy whispers.

"Um, ever heard of foreplay?" Hope asks.

"Um, yeah?" Amy replies.

"I just..." Hope begins. "It takes me awhile to...you know...arrive...so we probably need to do that... and...that will also, um...help with getting to the right...um, place..."

Amy blushes. "Um, yeah. Right. So..." She laughs nervously. "I'm sorry...you obviously know way more than I do..."

Hope rubs Amy's cheek tenderly. "It's okay."

"This is so embarrassing..." Amy mutters, resting her head on Hope's chest. Hope automatically puts a hand on the back of Amy's head, gently rubs her back with the other.

"You've never done this before now?" Hope whispers.

Amy, face still buried on Hope's face, says, "No." She looks up into Hope's face. "You?"

Hope watches Amy's face, keeps rubbing her cheek. "Once," she says. When Amy gives her an impressed smile, Hope quickly says, "It was crappy and quick and very unfulfilling, it was over before it began...I don't really want to talk about it."

Amy nods.

"Anyway, how do you get off?" Hope asks.

"Sorry?"

"What makes you feel good?" Hope asks.

"I...don't really want to talk about it..."

Hope nods. "Okay. But that might help us see what will make us feel good..."

Amy makes a noise. "Ugh. Why don't movies show these awkward stuff about sex?"

"Because awkward sex isn't entertaining?"

"I'm pretty sure mine is entertaining, to hear Molly say it."

Hope softly chuckles. "Sure it is." She then asks Amy again, "So, tell me...we can work through it."

"I...haven't had experience...touching myself a lot," Amy explains.

"That explains a lot," Hope says, rubbing Amy's back reassuringly.

Encouraged, Amy says, "I've just had some...assistance getting off..."

"Assistance?"

Amy nods, before explaining the story of the panda, Ling ling. Hope listens, quiet and attentive, never offering any opinion. When Amy finishes, Hope slowly rolls them over,so that she is on top and Amy is underneath her. She places her thigh between Amy's and teasingly rolls once into Amy's crotch. Amy gasps then, clutches Hope's arms.

"What are you doing?" Amy whispers, biting down the moan escaping from her lips.

Hope puts her lips to Amy's ear and whispers, "Making you feel good."

As she thrusts against Amy again, Amy groans low inside her throat, puts her arms around her and whispers, "You're really good at that." She runs a finger behind Hope's ear, right where her tattoo is and puts her lips there.

Hope moans low in her throat and chuckles. "I know." She stops, looks into Amy's eyes. "You want me to stop?"

Amy shakes her head. "Hell, no."

Hope laughs. "Okay."

***

Hope rolls off Amy after and they both lie in the dark, panting and sweaty.

"Wow," Amy murmurs, gasping for breath.

Hope looks at her and grins. "How was that?"

"Good," Amy replies. "I mean, _really_ good," she says as she leans over and kisses Hope. "Are you sure you've only done this once?"

Hope kisses her back, then starts to kiss her neck. "Did you tell Molly about us? I'm pretty sure she already knew about what went down at Nick's. She was giving me those weird stares when I was at your house."

Amy closes her eyes. "Um, no."

"No, you didn't tell her about what happened at Nick's?" Hope asks, confused. "'Cause I'm pretty sure you share everything. "

"I mean, yeah, I did tell her about what happened between us," Amy clarifies. "But not, like, all of it. And I didn't tell her you were coming."

"What? Why?"Hope asks. "Did you guys fight or something? You're like her umbilicus or whatever, right?"

Amy sighs. Why didn't she tell Molly? She honestly doesn't know. She loves Molly to death but maybe she didn't want Molly teasing her relentlessly about Hope. Maybe she wanted some privacy. Maybe she wanted to keep this to herself a bit longer. Looking at Hope all effortlessly hot and gorgeous, she realizes maybe it's all the above and more.

She debates answering this before shrugging and saying, "Dunno...maybe I guess I don't need to tell her everything. Maybe I just..." She stops, unable to say it out loud: Maybe she just wants this thing with Hope, whatever it is, to just be hers. Something she could come back to over and over again, without Molly's teasing voice inside her head.

But Hope is already nodding, saving her from explaining further. "Yeah, I get that." She stops, considers her next words before finally saying, "What will you tell her if she finds out?"

"Don't know," Amy asks. 

"Tell her we hang out and conjugate Latin verbs," Hope suggests jokingly with a glint in her eye. 

Amy laughs. 

They spend the rest of the night just talking to each other until the break of dawn, managing to have a couple of hours of sleep before Amy drives Hope to the airport. They do not speak as much, content to just enjoy each other's company.

At the airport, Amy surprises Hope by hugging her, making the taller girl speechless and embarrassed at first before bending and embracing Amy in her gangly arms.

"Thanks again," Hope murmurs.

"You're welcome," Amy says with a smile.

"Hey, if you ever need anything in New York," Hope begins, "You know I'm just a call away."

Amy nods.

They both turn when the PA system announces Hope's flight. Amy reluctantly lets her go and Hope does, too, grabs her pack, puts it on and enters the airport. She turns once to wave at Amy before she goes to immigration.

Amy watches her tall frame making her way through the crowd until she vanishes, certain this is the last she'll ever see or hear from her again.

So it takes her by surprise, a day later, when Hope messages her with a brief, " _Home now. Thanks again. Later. T.C._ "

When she replies with " _Glad you got home safe. T.C. Miss you_ ." She hadn't even thought about it before she realizes she'd sent it. She'd been messaging Molly and saying the same thing to her, like they always do and so she types the same one again. She's already freaking out and trying to figure out if she could unsend it when Hope replies with a, " _LOL. Okay_."

She's surprised even further when it _isn't_ the last she hears from Hope, as Hope continues to greet her with "Hey"s and "What's up?" on Instagram. The messages are random and casual but like Molly's messages and her own parents' over enthusiastic emails, she starts to look forward to her messages. Hope tells her about preparing for NYU, moving to New York, figuring out enrollment and majors, classes and dorms, streets and trains and figuring out how to live with a room mate. Amy tells her about her day-to-day routine, the workshops with the women and the tutorial sessions with the kids, her doubts and frustrations, her homesickness.

"I don't even know why I'm here anymore," Amy finally confesses to her one day, halfway through her year in Botswana, after a particularly frustrating day at the community center with the women and the children. She'd told Hope about how she isn't really making any progress with the women, that they think she's too young and inexperienced, and she isn't really connecting with the kids either. It's an admission she'd never say to herself, Molly or her parents. But she feels comfortable enough with Hope that she can confess all these to her, having shared an intimacy with her that's different from what she has with Molly. She's worried Hope might think it's too much but Hope replies to her message and tells her, "Why did you even volunteer? Why are you there? I hope it's not because you wanted to impress Columbia with your do-gooder ethic. You're better than that. Maybe you're going about it the wrong way. You go in there, white female savior no one asked for, telling them to do something different from the way they've been doing it for centuries. They've been told over and over again by white people that their way of life was not the right way...how did you think they'd respond to you? You're just another white person telling them what they're doing wrong. Why don't you focus on what they're doing right, instead? Ditto with the kids."

That message feels like a slap to Amy. So honest and brutal. For a time she just stares at her computer, unsure what to do, before she closes it, and resolves to try something else the next day.

Hope's message makes her re-think her methods, and ultimately, her reasons for coming to Botswana. She sits down with local women for focus group discussions and revises her next workshops and sessions accordingly - making it more participative and collaborative. It's a success and endears her to the women. Instead of staying for the full year, she shortens her stay, opting to leave two months before her stay is about to end, both to prepare for college and take a break. The organization didn't mind it, plus she'd already accomplished what she'd set out to do.

So she packs her bags, says goodbye to her family, the people she's made friends in the city, gets on that plane and flies back to California.

***

She doesn't expect her return to the US to be weird. She'd only been away ten months but it feel longer. She looks at the buildings of L.A., every inch covered with a skyscraper or a road, skyline covered in smog, roads always congested with traffic,  downtown lined with expensive luxury brand shops, luxury cars and rich people waltzing down the street and she feels weird.

She'd tried to explain this to Molly but she doesn't understand. Or couldn't. Life had been hard for Molly, and she'd worked hard for everything in her life, especially getting into Yale, but she  wouldn't understand what Amy feels coming home from Botswana.

***

Reverse culture shock, Hope calls it, in one of her replies to Amy's message while on a break from studying at NYU. Amy hadn't heard about it before but Hope tells her it's possible to feel some shock about one's own culture when one has been away as long as she has. "You get over it eventually. Just take it easy. And don't sweat it."

"Thanks," Amy says.

"No problem. Don't mention it. To anyone. Ever," Hope jokes. "You need someone to talk to, you know where to reach me."

***

So that's where Amy finds herself in the middle of her first semester at Columbia, right after her grueling midterm exams, in Hope's dorm room, on her bed, on a Friday night, naked  and tangled with Hope, after a particularly enthusiastic session of lovemaking on the narrow bed.

"You're getting good at that," Hope had whispered in her ear then and Amy had grinned, kisses Hope, arms tight around her back.

"Thanks,"Amy had murmured, kissing a trail down Hope's neck and throat and all the way down to her stomach.

They hadn't set out to have sex. Far from it. Hope had an open invitation for her to come visit if she ever needed anyone to hang out with, had given her her dorm room and address. Still, Hope had been surprised when she showed up at her doorstep, Hope bleary-eyed and groggy, already in her shorts and tank, sleeping early because she'd been staying up late reviewing for exams and had been catching up on sleep. Hope had let her in though, and listened patiently as Amy ranted about her classes, her classmates, her professors, her homework, her schedule and New York.

"New York is filthy," Amy had declared. "It's filthy and dirty and gross and just... _filthy_. People just bring out their trash and it smells and I was walking down the street the other day and one of the bags moved and I thought I saw a chihuahua and I went to pet it and I realized it was a rat."

Hope looks at her, sympathetically.

"And the water bugs are mutants and the roaches are scary and the rats are as big as my fucking arm," Amy continues.

Hope had handed her a cup of soda and Amy drinks and says, sheepishly, "Sorry. I shouldn't have come and unloaded all this crap on you. It's just...everything just seems so overwhelming right now and New York's crap and I hate it and I should've gone to UCLA instead..."

"No one chooses UCLA over Columbia," Hope points out.

"Yeah, but...I thought it was going to be easy, you know?"

"Nothing good ever came easy, Amy," Hope gently says, sitting beside her. "You can do this."

Looking at Hope then, Amy is surprised at how Hope looks at her, earnest and compassionate, and Amy is even more surprised that Hope seems to understand Amy more than she realizes. She notices how pretty Hope's hazel eyes are with the gold flecks in them when she looks at Amy the way she does, the smoothness of her cheeks, the quirk on the corner of her lips when she smiles at Amy, the soft way she laughs at whatever Amy says. She ends up kissing Hope then and things go on from there.

Later, Hope says, "You want me to show you around New York?"

"What?"

"You think New York's bad now," Hope explains, "But maybe you just need to see a bit of New York..."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

***

So Hope brings her to Central Park, where they spend one Saturday morning at Bethesda Fountain, sitting at the edge of the fountain, just talking, or standing at the Bow Bridge, watching the river flow below them. They spend a few weekends with Hope showing her the galleries, museums, the Met, a game at NYU, but mostly they hang out at Washington Square Park, which is nearer NYU and Hope's dorm.

Once, Hope brings her to the skating rink, Amy slipping and sliding as Hope holds her by the elbows, one arm around her, gently guiding her to the center of the rink.

"In what universe did you think I was going to be good at this?"Amy says, sweating and huffing from the exertion.

Hope shrugs. "There's a first time for everything."

"Are you good at this?"

Hope shakes her head and chuckles. "No." As soon as she says it, Amy slips and takes Hope with her and they end up on the floor of the rink, Amy on top of Hope.

"I'm so sorry," Amy says apologetically.

Hope grimaces. "That's fine. I think my back broke my fall."

Amy giggles as she gets up on her knees.

"Right, no skating then," Hope notes as she slowly gets up and pulls Amy to her feet. "What now then?"

"Coffee?" Amy asks.

"Okay, I saw one nearby."

"Cool."

***

Amy visits Hope a few more times that Hope's dorm mates, and a few other people in Hope's circle of acquaintances, refer to Amy as Columbia.

"Why do they keep calling me Columbia? I have a name," Amy had asked one weekend they were in bed, Amy lying on Hope's arm, to which Hope explains, "Because you keep wearing your Columbia shirt and also you dress like one."

Amy had looked at her so offended that Hope can't help but laugh, reaching out and running a hand on Amy's stomach. "In a good way. But I can't be blamed for your fashion choices."

Amy rolls her eyes. "What, should I dress more like you guys?"

Hope leans over and kisses her. "Not at all. I like you just the way you are," Hope whispers, setting off another round of kissing that ends with Amy saying, "That's probably why you keep getting laid."

"You know it." Hope grins. "And don't pretend like your friends don't refer to me as your Tisch friend."

"Don't be ridiculous,"Amy says. "They call you the hot, hipster Tisch girl. The R.A. keeps wanting to high-five me whenever you come around. He gives me a thumb's up sign whenever you leave my room. It makes me feel dirty."

Hope laughs. "Okay." She looks at Amy then. "You want to check out that new superhero movie at the cinema? It might be super crappy but it could be fun. We could have popcorn and coke and you know, poke fun at how awful cinema has become. Also, for research. For class."

Amy laughs. "Sure, okay, for research." Ever since Hope had told her she intended to major in film and television with a minor in game development and theory, they'd been watching movies and TV shows on Hope's laptop. Hope has also been teaching her how to play computer games. When she'd told Amy about it, she said, "I'm not sure what stuff I want to make yet, but I think I want to do documentaries and some sort of game, maybe like Angry Birds or Pokemon or something."

"Okay," Amy says.

***

And then one movie becomes another, with coffee at Hope's favorite coffee place after, then hanging out with Amy to places in and around NYU or  Saturday mornings at Bethesda Fountain or Bow Bridge, although mostly they hang out at Washington Square Park near NYU.

Sometimes they end up having sex in Hope's dorm, but more often than not, Amy just comes over when her rigorous class schedule allows for it, doing homework and readings on Hope's bed as Hope sits beside her on the bed, Mac on her lap, long fingers choosing pictures and clips and effects for a video homework for class and typing essays for her film theory class. Amy likes Hope like this, in glasses and shorts and an NYU shirt, cool and relaxed. And she realizes, not for the nth time, how much she enjoys just being with Hope, how much she enjoys her company. They could sit side by side and not say anything to each other and still feel comfortable and peaceful and calm, never needing to fill the space with noise. Afterwards they'd have a dinner of Chinese take out and maybe watch something on Netflix.  Then after dinner, they just lie on Hope's bed, laughing and talking, looking at internet memes or Instagram feeds, Amy's head on Hope's chest and they fall asleep to each other's voice, comfortable in the silence and each other's company.

***

They spend Thanksgiving together, when both realize they wouldn't have the budget or the time to go back for the holiday.

"Why aren't you going home for Thanksgiving?" Amy had asked, perplexed.

"Well, L.A. is a plane ride away, and the parents are on a business trip to Cambodia," Hope explains. "Some people in my dorm are organizing a Thanksgiving dinner, you want to come? A bunch of us pitched in so we could get turkey, potatoes, cake, wine coolers and weed."

Amy laughs. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, you can come help us prepare dinner."

"Will your friends learn to call me Amy instead of Columbia?"

Hope shakes her head. "Not my friends. I can't make any promises."

So Amy doesn't go home for Thanksgiving, much to Molly and her parents' disappointment, but she is surprised to learn Thanksgiving with Hope and her friends can be enjoyable, as they spend the holiday at a swanky apartment arguing about Da Vinci and Van Gogh and Picasso, impressionism and cubism while preparing the Turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, salad and fruitcake. The Turkey and cake come out burned but someone scores them wine so they have take out pizza and wine as they watch movies on Netflix.

Halfway through another Netflix RomCom film, Hope's parents call her and Hope steps out to take the call, excusing herself and giving Amy's hand a squeeze.

Minutes later, Amy's phone rings and she sees Molly's face on her phone. She switches to Skype and takes the call in the kitchen.

"You are totally seeing someone,"Molly states by way of greeting. "Or at least scissoring someone. Or two."

"No, I'm not."

"You totally are," Molly insists. "Are you and Hope hanging out? I heard she's in NYU. Which, surprising. I thought she also got into, like, Yale  or something. And NYU? Really? Who goes to NYU when you can go to Columbia instead? I mean, who does that?"

"I thought we agreed we weren't going to be assholes about that, anymore, Molly," Amy reminds her. "Plus, she has her reasons for choosing NYU."

"Whatever. NYU isn't Ivy League."

"It's a good school. It should be at $65,000 a year," Amy insists.

"But you have slept with some girls, right? Girls all up in your vagina?"

Amy shakes her head. "Um, no." When Molly looks at her, Amy relents and says, "Okay, once. Just the one."

"Oh, Amy."

"Yeah, I know. It's lame," Amy says, rolling her eyes.

"So, what's your favorite sexual position?"

Amy blushes and says, "Um, I don't know. Normal? Front facing normal?"

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"It's weird how invested you are in my sex life. Never mind. Anyway, no. I don't have a girlfriend. And I'm not sixty-nining or scissoring anyone. And Hope is a girl who happens to be in the same city as I am and who I sometimes hung out on consecutive nights and whose company I happen to enjoy."

"So, is she your friend now or something? 'Cause I'm your friend. Hope is just some girl you had a random, botched hook-up with the night before graduation," Molly says.

"No, we're not friends,"Amy says, sighing. "She's just...somebody I know, okay?"

"Good," Molly says. "Don't go down that road, Amy. It's not going to be pretty."

"Yeah, I know,"Amy says, softly.

"I mean you're going to be a hotshot lawyer someday and you're going to be a prosecutor and a D.A.," Molly continues, "And I don't think Hope has any place in that. I mean she seems like a total slacker...I'm just looking out for you."

Amy nods. "Yeah, thanks, Mol."

"You're better than this. I mean, what is she even majoring in? Mean Girl?"

"Yeah, alright."

"She's not good enough for you," Molly says. "I mean she seems great, for a one-night stand. But a long-term relationship? Don't think so."

Amy nods, and listens as Molly talks about Yale,her classes, how excited she is for law school, her professors, her part-time job. She leans on the counter, watches Molly on her screen, going over her conversation with Molly, wondering why  she _couldn't_ have more with Hope right now?

Behind her, unknown to Amy, Hope stands by the kitchen entrance, having overheard Amy's conversation with Hope, hurt look on her face, wondering the same thing.

***

When Christmas rolls around and Amy finds herself inviting Hope for Christmas dinner when she finds out Hope's parents are out of the country for another business trip, Amy starts to wonder briefly if there could be more to their friendship. Because what she realizes is how much of a friendship they've developed. Hope had intended to stay on-campus for the holidays and work on the short film project she has with her groupmates.

"Why aren't you coming home?" Amy had asked and Hope had, as was her habit, casually shrugged and said, "Parents out of the country on a business trip. Pretty pointless to go home. I have some schoolwork to work on anyway."

It occurs to Amy then that she doesn't know a lot about Hope even though they hang out semi-regularly. But Hope has never been the type of person who offers information about her family life and Amy isn't the type of person who would ask. What she does do is invite Hope to their house for Christmas.

"Uh, what?"Hope asks, confused.

"Would you like to maybe come spend the holidays with my family?"Amy asks, a little nervously, as if she's asking Hope out to prom.

Hope looks at her, face expressionless, but she seems to come to a decision after because she says, "I can't. Thanks for the invitation, though."

"Oh, okay," Amy says. "Yeah, that's fine."

***

Right after the invitation, Hope's texts and DMs grow less frequent. Amy greets her for Christmas and New Year's Eve but Hope doesn't reply. When she finally calls Hope right after New Year's Day and Hope answers her phone in a sleepy, groggy voice, she says, "Hey."

"Hey," Hope says.

"Happy New Year," Amy says cheerfully and warmly.

"Happy New Year,"Hope says.

"How was your New Year?"

"Great," Hope says, sounding distant. "Got a lot of stuff done."

"Wow, that's great," Amy says.

There's a silence between them that stretches as Amy doesn't know what to say. Finally, Hope says, "Hey, listen I've gotta go back to sleep. Can I call you back?"

"Okay,"Amy says. "Can I see when I get back?"

"Yeah, sure,"Hope says. "See you."

***

Hope doesn't call her and Amy doesn't see her right away although Amy texts her once in a while. She sees her after exams, forgetting to text her on her way to the NYU campus, so when a complete stranger, a tall woman in a button down shirt and nothing else opens the door, Amy is surprised.

Amy stares at the woman, speechless for what seems like a long minute, staring at her long, shiny hair, her blue eyes, her long legs and flawless skin and what seems like an unmistakable hickey on the girl's neck.

"Hi, can I help you?" the girl asks.

Amy swallows, finding her voice. She clears her throat. "I'm looking for...Hope? Is she in?"

The girl leans on the door and says, "Yeah. She's still asleep. You want me to wake her up?"

Amy is already shaking her head. "Uh, no, that's fine, thanks."

Then a voice, unmistakably Hope's, says, "Babe, who's that?"

 _Babe?_ Amy's heart sinks to her stomach. Hope doesn't call her that. Never calls her that. She always calls her Amy and nothing else. Before either Amy or the girl can speak, Hope emerges in pants and a tank top, running a hand on her hair. When she sees Amy, she freezes, not knowing what to do.

"Amy," Hope murmurs softly.

Amy turns and runs down the hallway and stairs.

***

Hope follows her.

"Amy!" Hope calls out, running down the stairs after her. "Amy, stop. Let me explain."

"What's there to explain?"Amy asks. "There's a half-naked girl in your dorm..."

"It's not what you think..."

Amy stops in the middle of the stairs and glares at Hope. "Funny how when people say it's not what you think it's _exactly_ what you think. _Exactly_." She turns and runs down the stairs, out the door and into the street.

"Amy, c'mon, can we just talk about this?" Hope asks. "I don't even understand why you're so upset."

"Upset?" Amy asks. "Upset? Why would I be upset?"

"I don't get it," Hope says.

"If I have to explain this, then there's no point."

"What the fuck, Amy..." Hope says. "Just freaking talk to me..."

"What is there to talk about? Clearly we're not on the same page about this..."

"You didn't want a relationship. We agreed there'd be no strings attached. You don't get to be upset over a girl in my dorm."

"You know what? Just...forget about it."

"Yeah, that's fine, let's just forget about it, let's just fucking do that," Hope says. "I'm not good enough for you anyway and I don't deserve you, right?" When Amy stares at her, shocked, recognizing snippets of the conversation she had with Molly, she shakes her head, about to deny it, but Hope continues, "I mean, I'm just some non-Ivy League girl you banged the day before graduation, right? I was just a good time to you. Going out with me, that's going to put a wrench in your big plans, right? And we wouldn't want that, would we?"

"Hope...that's not..."

"What do you want from me, Amy?" Hope finally asks. "What are we doing?"

"I don't...what do you mean?"

"You _know_ what I mean," Hope says. Amy sees Hope's eyes looking glassy, her voice sounding broken and sad. She doesn't know what to reply to that. Hope speaks up then, voice low and soft and sad. "You know the fucked up thing, Amy? I thought you were better than all that bullshit."

"Hope..."

"Just go," Hope says then, looking exhausted and pained. "Please leave."

***


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos! Happy reading! Cheers!

 

Looking back at her young life, Amy realizes she's never actually been in love.

She's had crushes sure, the crush she had on a Disney cartoon and the one on Ryan, but she's never been in love. Not really.

Once, Hope had asked her about that, one lazy Saturday afternoon, just hanging out on Hope's bed. Hope hadn't been feeling well the past few days and Amy had checked up on her days before, had come over with hot soup, various pills and syrups to a surprised Hope asking her, "What the fuck is all this?" To which Amy had answered, "Uh, options. So you can get better." Hope had smiled then and said, "Thanks" through a runny nose and red-rimmed eyes. She'd called Hope and checked on her via Skype every night til she got better, and then after, she'd just call her before she sleeps, asking her how her day was. Hope  would tell Amy hers and in turn would ask Amy about hers.

Hope had been feeling better that Saturday afternoon and Amy had brought sandwiches and  wanton soup, both grateful for the respite from exams and schoolwork,lazily lounging around, music playing from Hope's laptop. Amy had brought her autoharp along and had been listlessly playing it when Hope looks at her and face half-serious, says in a deadpan manner, "I can't believe I let you touch me with those fingers." She pretends to shudder and Amy had glared at her. Amy had rolled her eyes and Hope laughs, leaning over to kiss her. They'd thus switched to playing music from Hope's laptop instead, listening to Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen and Kodaline.

It had been during this time that Hope had asked about Amy falling in love and Amy had said she hadn't. That she'd been too busy figuring out her own sexuality to think too seriously about falling in love.

Hope had made them coffee then when Hope had asked if she'd had crushes.   Amy had been wearing Hope's NYU tee shirt much to Hope's annoyance, Hope in a tank top and tight short shorts that makes Amy stare at her thighs for longer than usual, and Amy had distractedly said it was yes, that cat from a Disney movie. Hope had almost choked on her drink.

"Are you fucking serious?" Hope had sputtered as she coughed and wheezed and Amy had rubbed her back.

Amy rolls her eyes. "Fine. It was...Hermione."

"Sorcerer's Stone Hermione?"

Amy looked at Hope like she's gone crazy. "Goblet of Fire Hermione."

"Fair enough."

She'd liked the Harry Potter series and like most kids had read the books, watched the movies, collected the merchandise, dressed up as Hermione, argued about which house was best, devoted hours to fanfic and logging online in the Potter fandom. She even had  Hermione's poster, a massive one, just across her bed, covering a quarter of her wall. But somewhere around the time she watched "Goblet of Fire", when Hermione had ditched the uniform and started wearing tight jeans and blouses, and she'd worn that gown for the ball, something had changed in Amy. She'd started dreaming about Hermione,  every single night for one full month. She couldn't explain it but she'd freaked out and tore down Hermione's poster. But she kept having the dreams. Then she'd watched that Disney cartoon and something within her had turned. "I didn't know what to do at first. I didn't know how to deal with it," Amy had admitted. "My parents were Christians. Are still Christians. Homosexuality was something we never discussed, but I went to church all the time and I knew it was a sin," she relates. She'd explained further how much harder it was when she hit high school.

"I didn't really think of myself as gay at that time, I couldn't even conceive of the idea, because Christian parents, you know?" Amy continues. Then she says one night she had another one of those Hermione dreams, this one different,  explicit and more overtly sexual than the others and she'd woken up shaking and sweating. That was a revelation for her. She'd then spent the whole night googling "gay" and "homosexuality" and "lesbian" and she'd entered a whole new different world, a world in which she might possibly be attracted to girls. "At that time, I didn't think it was possible to be attracted to girls. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense."

Hope nods, understanding.

"I lived with that secret for awhile,"Amy says, trying to reconcile her Christian upbringing with her attraction to girls. She'd been afraid her parents wouldn't accept her, afraid they'd reject her and be disappointed in her. "I was this overachieving nerd, this good egg who didn't give them any trouble. I didn't want to make them feel like I've let them down or something."

"How did you finally come to terms with it?"

Amy shrugs. "I don't know. When Molly and I would hang out and we'd talk about boys, I felt like a phony, pretending I was into boys like her." Amy sighs, remembering how it felt, feeling trapped and suffocated. "I finally told Molly and she told me something that made it all right." At Hope's prompting, Amy says, "That I didn't need to pretend. That I can be whoever I want to be. That she'd love me whether I was gay or not. I know Molly gets a bad rep for being, you know, Molly, but she was the first to accept me, the first to make me feel it was okay to be gay, the first who made me feel strong, made me feel I could go be anything. She helped me come out. She helped me come out to my parents and to other people."

"She's a good friend."

"Yeah, she is."

Hope smiles. "That's cool," Hope says. She puts her arms underneath her head, stares at the ceiling and says, "I don't have best friends."

"Really? Why?"

Hope shrugs. "Don't know. I don't do friends. They seem like a lot of work." She turns to Amy. "'Til I met you."

Amy blushes. "Yeah?"

"Yeah,"Hope says. "Although I guess you're a bit more than that, sort of."

Amy tries not to smile at that. Feels her heart thud in her chest. They don't speak for awhile before Hope asks, curious, "So you've never had a crush on Molly?"

Amy makes a face. "Eeewww. No, of course not, don't be gross. She's my best friend. She's like my sister...that would be like incest or something," Amy says to Hope's laughter. "Ugh. You're totally a Slytherin, aren't you?"

Hope grins. "You know it. Bet you're a Hufflepuff."

Amy grins back. Then she asks, "How about you? Who did it for you?"

Without missing a beat, Hope replies, "Daenerys. Game of Thrones. Everyone was crushing on Jon Snow but she appeared naked out of the ashes with her baby dragons and it did things to me."

Amy grins. "I'm sure it did."

Hope grins back. "Yeah. You have no idea."

Amy doesn't know but that makes her laugh so much Hope glares at her, looking offended before she shakes her head and breaks into a smile.

"How come you didn't come out?" Amy asks. "That would've saved me a lot of trouble," she jokes, remembering trying to figure out if Ryan was gay. She'd had a bit of a crush on Anabelle and Gigi, too, junior year, but they were so straight it seemed pointless. And she knew pretty girls like Anabelle, Gigi and Hope wouldn't have given her the light of day anyway.

Hope shrugs. "I didn't see the point. I was young. I also had a crush on Peeta. But I also had a crush on Katniss. And Nala. Then Zuko. And Asami. It could still change, you know? I mean as a kid I had crushes on the cute Chipmunk with the glasses. I didn't think it was a big deal."

Amy nods.

"I guess part of my acting out in high school was I wasn't really confronting that? I dated guys and slept with one and...I guess something was missing, you know?"

Amy nods again.

"So, yeah,"Hope says then. " I went backpacking partly to see stuff, but I also went because I needed to figure myself out. To find myself."

"Okay,"Amy says. "So are you gay or bisexual or pansexual or whatever?"

Hope shakes her head and lifts a shoulder. "I'm not really into labels?"she says, looking at a spot on her bed sheet. "I love the soul, not the sex...I mean...you like who you like...and you love who you love, right?" she says, looking up at Amy then, eyes so full of something Amy almost wants to hope it's the same thing she's feeling for her, even as her heart flutters and she feels breathless.

"I mean, does it really matter even?" Hope casually asks, brushing imaginary lint from the sheets.

Amy shakes her head. "No, of course not."

Hope nods, relieved. "So who did you crush on at  school?"

Amy had blushed then, refusing to let her know who she had a crush on. When Hope continues to pester her, Amy finally relents and says "Fine...Ryan."

"Ryan? Nick's Ryan?"

"Yeah."

Hope tries not to smile. "That's so...random..."

"Yeah."

"I mean, to go from her...to me..." Hope jokes. "I mean, she has sick tats, but..." Hope shrugs, with a smirk.

"Shut up." As Hope chuckles, Amy says, "To be fair, you were hard to read. So it could go either way. Mostly I thought you were asexual."

Hope grins, pretending to be offended but eyes amused and twinkling. "Fair enough."

Trying to lighten the mood further, Amy  asks, "So, question, fuck, marry, kill - Hermione, Daenerys, Black Widow?

"Fuck Daenerys. As many times as possible,"Hope replies without hesitation to Amy's eyeroll, "Marry Hermione, kill Black Widow."

"What, you'd choose the monstrous sociopath over the equally monstrous assassin?"

"No, I choose the hot sociopath, _over_ the hot assassin," Hope clarifies. "I'd marry the nerd. You can never go wrong with nerds,"she jokes. "Except when they go for the wrong hole..."

Amy looks at her, shocked, before she grabs a pillow and whacks Hope with it. Hope is so shocked she just stares at Amy. "Ow!"Hope says.

"I cannot _believe_ you would bring that up after all this time,"Amy says, half-annoyed at her. "That's low..."

"You should be impressed it took me this long to bring it up."

Amy grabs a pillow and throws it at her. Hope ducks as Amy whacks her again and Hope grabs the pillow, throws it away and grabs Amy's wrists, wrestling her to the bed and pinning her wrists above her, legs between Hope's long thighs and her chest against Amy's as they playfully scuffle, laughing and giggling throughout.

"D'you give up?" Hope asks.

"No,"Amy says, struggling against Hope's hands.

"Say it."

"No," Amy says defiantly, giggling. "This isn't fair. You have at least five inches on me."

After struggling a bit more against Hope's firm grip, Amy finally gives up and just stops fighting to break free of Hope. She lies there, beneath Hope, breathing heavily, suddenly aware of the heat and nearness of Hope, and something flares inside her and she feels her face heat up. Hope looks at her, bites her lower lip, leans over, brushes her nose on Amy's, an incredibly tender gesture, before her lips find Amy's and is kissing her. This kiss is different from the rest. It's soft and tender and incredibly sensual and Hope hadn't kissed her like that before. She feels the heat course down her body, feels desire boring down on her and when the moan escapes her lips, she remembers being glad the other students had gone out for the weekend or are too deep in sleep to care about them.

Their lovemaking is different this time. Where before they fumbled and struggled and tried to figure out what the other needed and wanted, that afternoon, they seemed to know, as if by instinct, what to do, as they took off each other's clothes, lying naked, skin to skin, on top of each other, Amy rolling on top and Hope beneath her, eyes closed in pleasure. They move in sync, as if they'd known each other's bodies forever, knowing where to touch, where to kiss,  Amy kissing a trail down Hope's body, from her lips to her neck, her throat, between her breasts, all the way down to her stomach and her thighs, fingers touching and caressing where Hope needed her to, Hope urging her on, fingers encouraging her. When she slides into Hope, Hope freezes, clutches her, a moan escaping her lips, before they start to move against each other again, Hope's fingers sliding between her thighs, both of them coaxing each other into climax. As Amy looks at Hope then, she feels a wave of tenderness wash over her, and she feels like she wants to get lost in Hope's eyes, in Hope's smile, in Hope's everything, so lost she doesn't ever want to be found.

Molly once asked her what her first time felt like, and Amy couldn't really explain it because she'd been dizzy and nauseated and tipsy then but it had felt incredible and she'd slept with Hope a number of times after to know it felt even more than that.  Alone, she feels like a lone violin making herself come, but with Hope...Hope makes her feel like an orchestra, she fills her senses with so much sensation, so much feeling, so much pleasure, wave upon wave of pleasure crashing on her. Right then, naked and holding each other, Amy realizes how much she wants this with Hope. How much she wants it to go on. How much she never wants it to end. Being deep inside of her, getting lost in her, waves of emotion crashing on them over and over and over.

It  freaked her out how intense her feelings for Hope were.

So, no, she'd not felt love before. But making love with Hope, being with her, she realizes she might be.

And with that certainty comes hopelessness. Because she knows nothing would come out of it.

Hope had shown as much when she'd shown up at Hope's doorstep and another girl had opened it. It wasn't serious. She wasn't serious. And with a sadness, Amy realizes she would lose Hope.

***

So she tries to forget Hope. Tries to bury herself in her classes. Focuses on quizzes and homework and projects. Goes out on dates with girls who ask her out at libraries, and random coffee shops, and frat or sorority parties. She'd try to go out with them, even go home with them, and she's surprised at what Molly has said - that she _could_ get dates and have as much sex if she wanted to, but it leaves her empty and realizing it isn't what she wants.

More often than not, she finds herself in her room most nights, avoiding the Friday night crowd, burying herself in books and homework. She'd stopped going out weekend nights because one time at an all-night 7-11, she'd heard a Bob Dylan song and remembered Hope and she'd froze, staring at the ceiling, freaking the other customers out with how upset she'd looked. She's go to parties or pass by Central Park or Washington Square and she feels like her breath has been knocked out of her and it feels like she's dying. Every long-haired, tall girl in tight jeans and fringe jacket is Hope. Every girl she sees reminds her it isn't Hope. So she would usually inevitably find herself trying to forget by distracting herself, searching for movies online, realizing in the middle of her searches that she's searched for Hope's favorite movies. But she ends up settling down on her bed and watching them anyway. During the nth time she watches "Into the Wild" on Netflix she finds the tears running down her cheeks. She doesn't understand why she's crying at Emile Hirsch's Christopher McCandless dying all alone in some abandoned van in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness but watching it, she understands why Hope would love it, why she would want to go backpacking herself, lose herself in the journey so she could discover something within her, and thus find herself. She'd look for songs on Spotify and finds herself crying to Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" over and over again, reminded of that lazy Saturday afternoon of honesty and lovemaking, when she'd told Hope about Hermione and coming out and everything else. The song had played then and Hope had held her, just alternating between singing and humming along to the song as she kisses Amy, the words whispered in her ear.  Amy had laughingly teased her about being a closet romantic and how Cohen's song made her want to slash her wrists,and Hope had glared at her and said, "Fuck you", which just makes Amy laugh harder. But Hope holds her and teases her about her panda and how she feels like an Ent hugging a hobbit and Amy had laughed and said, "Fuck you." Hope chuckles and just draws her closer, holds her tight and Amy realizes now that's one of the things she misses, Hope's company, her easy smiles and easy touches, their easy intimacy with each other. More than anything, she misses Hope.

She remembers then that as they hold each other, Hope burying her face even further into Amy's hair, they fall silent for awhile, Amy feeling Hope's heart beat against her ear and as they lie there in the growing darkness of early evening, Amy slowly realizes Hope's heartbeat has passed from hers into Amy's and it feels like their hearts are beating as one and Amy feels something has changed, that they've passed some kind of point of no return from which neither one could go back from.

Amy remembers that moment, remembers Hope, remembers what was and what could have been and  she cries even more.

***

It is in this puffy, red-rimmed eyed, disheveled, mournful state that Molly had found her in when she decides to visit her.

"Molly?"Amy asks, surprised.

"Hey, Amy!" Molly says cheerfully.

"What are you doing here?" Amy asks.

"It's your twentieth birthday!"Molly says. "Gigi was going to come but something happened. George wanted to come meet us but his schedule at Julliard is apparently hectic, so. Anabelle couldn't because she's busy. Also, Ms. Fine's wondering why you haven't been Skypeing her about the crossword puzzle. Also, dude, why are you wearing an NYU shirt?"

Amy looks down, notices she's wearing Hope's gray NYU shirt and puts her arms around herself. She shakes her head and mutters something unintelligible as Molly briefly stares   at her like a math problem that needed to be solved.

"Anyway. Whatever. No time to waste,"Molly declares. "I've got fake IDs and a list of clubs to hit. "

"Uh, Molly, it's great to see you, but not really in the mood to party right now," Amy says.

"Nonsense!" Molly says, "You only turn 20 once. I have to go back tomorrow, so we need to do this. We're going to have so much fun!"

***

Molly had underestimated Amy's capacity to not have fun, as they find themselves at a bar,  with Amy just staring at her drink, silent and still, looking down and depressed, eyes looking like they're on the verge of tears. Molly just stares at her, confused.

"Amy, are you okay?" Molly asks then.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"'Cause you look like someone just shot your puppy multiple times and ground them to a pulp,"Molly says. "It's your birthday, you should be having fun."

Amy shrugs, shakes her head and sighs. "Nothing to celebrate. I think I peaked in high school and it's all downhill from here..."

"That's dark," Molly says as she downs another drink. "You want to talk about it?"

Amy shakes her head. "Nothing to talk about. I've fucked things up and now things can't go back to the way they were."

Molly puts a hand on Amy and holds her as Amy starts to cry.

"I don't know what's going on, Amy, but you know you can talk to me, right?" Molly murmurs softly. "You're my best friend. I hate to see you sad."

Amy sobs even harder. Molly holds her tight. When the sobs subside, Amy says, " I've fallen in love, Mol. Or at least I think I have. I've fallen in love and it's terrible and awful and it's with someone who can't love me back and it's fucked up and I'm fucked." She looks at Molly. "She didn't want me, Mol. I fell for her and she didn't want me."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter now."

"Of course it matters," Molly says. "Love is all that matters."

And Amy cries some more.

***

They spend the night just talking in Amy's dorm. Amy doesn't tell Molly about Hope and Molly doesn't pry, listening and offering her opinion when Amy asks for it.

At dawn, after Amy and Molly had binged on a lot of pizza and Coke, Molly, wide awake and hyper and buzzed, says, "You know what? Fuck it."

"What?"

"Fuck it," Molly repeats. "We are fucking carpe dieming this!"

Amy stares at her before she says, "Mol, didn't we agree we were going to avoid recreational drugs for exactly this reason?"

Molly's eyes grow comically wide, as she speaks in rapid fire fashion, "We're going to get you the girl!"

As that realization sinks in, Amy starts to vigorously shake her head. "Oh, no,no, _no_. That's a bad idea! I don't want any part in it!"

"What are you talking about?" Molly asks. "This is your chance! We're the assholes that crammed four years of partying in one night and fucking pulled it off! We can fucking do this!"

"Molly, I can't just go and declare my feelings to a girl I'm not sure loves me back," Amy says. 

"Dude, fuck that," Molly says. She grips Amy's shoulders and looks at her. "Do you care for her?"

"I don't get..." When Molly just looks at her, "Fine. Yeah. I do. I care for her."

"Can you imagine your life without her?"

Amy thinks about this and says, "No." She looks at Molly, surprised at her answer.

"Can you see yourself with this person for the rest of your life?"

Amy makes a face. "Um, I'm not sure. I just turned twenty. Things could still change."

"Alright, that's fair. Two out of three's fine," Molly says as she gets up. "Which means we still have to go."

"Mol, what if she rejects me?"

"What if she doesn't?"

Molly looks at her and smiles, raising a fist in the air. "Let's fucking do this!"

***

Deciding to go and actually getting there are two different things. Hopped up on caffeine and adrenaline, the two jog the short distance to the subway. They debate whether to take the subway, taxi or Uber but decide ultimately to take the train. It will take them at least half an hour but it's cheaper. So they end up in the subway, jittery and impatient, as the subway slowly makes it way to lower Manhattan, with Molly asking every few seconds where they're going and Amy refusing to answer. When they get off at Christopher Street, and emerge from the subway, they walk the few minutes to NYU, dodging early morning traffic and pedestrians. When Molly spots Washington Square, she stops and says, "Are we going to NYU?"

"Hurry up,"Amy says.

"Who's in NYU, Amy?"

"We're going to miss her..."

"Amy," Molly says, grabbing Amy's hand impatiently so the other girl stops. "Who's in fucking NYU?"

"Um..."

"Are we going to see Hope?"

"What?"Amy asks. "Um, no..."

"Dude, are you dating Hope?"Molly says. "Are you and Hope together?"

"No, we're not..."

"Oh my god, you've been sleeping with Hope!"Molly says. Amy attempts to deny it but Molly says, "You're totally into her!"

"I am not!"

"You totally are!" Molly says. 

"How did you...?"

"Amy, I got a 2050 in the SATs. I have a 4.0 GPA. Figuring out you like Hope wasn't that hard...anyway, how did this even happen?!?"

Amy makes a face. "Um, I don't know...It kind of just happened...?" She makes a face. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you..."

"Are you kidding me?!?" Molly asks. "I knew you were keeping something from me! This is fucking awesome!"

"Wow, whew, I thought you were going to be upset about this."

"Upset? Why would I be upset?" Molly says. "Love is love. If you love the hot weirdo from school, if she's who you want, then I say go for it!"

"Really?"

"Totally! How long have you been sleeping with her?!? I want details, Amy."

Amy shakes her head. "Molly, I love you but you know I can't...do that anymore, right?"

Molly grins. "That's fair. But...you're not going to like...throw me a bone, or anything?"

Amy shakes her head even more. "Dude, no." When Molly looks at her with pleading eyes, Amy rolls her eyes and says, "No. The only thing I can tell you is...she's _really_ good in bed. Like incredible. Like really, really fucking  _incredible_."

Molly grins but then her face falls as she says, "Right, yeah, maybe let's not talk about how great your sex life is."

"Dude, you asked."

 "So how are we going to do this?"

Amy shrugs. "I don't know. Go up to her and tell her I was an asshole?"

"No. You totally need to make a grand gesture. Rom Com 101. She'll totally love it..."

"Dude, no," Amy says. "This is the hottest, coolest girl I've ever been with. I don't think a grand gesture will cut it..."

"Amy...you need to declare your affections! You need to..."

"What? No! Fuck, no!"

As they argue in the middle of the campus, Molly stops when she spots something behind Amy.

"Amy..."Molly says, looking behind Amy.

"What?"

"Behind you...Six o'clock..."

"What are you talking about?" Amy asks.

But Molly is excited now, making numerous facial expressions in front of Amy.

"What's going on with your face?" Amy asks, confused. "You look like you're having an aneurysm...or a stroke...either of the two..."

Molly, speechless and excited points behind Amy and Amy turns.  At first, she only sees crowds of students going about their own way, but then Amy's heart leaps as she recognizes a familiar face, in jeans and that jacket, amongst the crowd emerging from a class, carrying nothing but a notebook:Hope. Hope, tall and beautiful, laughing and chatting with her friends.

"Since when did Hope get friends?" Molly asks.

Amy watches Hope slowly walk towards them, not noticing Amy. But then she looks up and sees Amy and Amy feels her heart stop and start again, pounding so hard in her chest she feels like she can't breathe. Hope stops when she sees Amy. She tells something to her friends and they nod and leave, looking at Amy with curious looks. When she gets to within inches of Amy, she looks at her without saying anything. Finally, Amy speaks.

"Hey," Amy says, suddenly feeling shy.

"Hey," Hope says, stiff and formal.

Amy could feel herself blush from Hope's gaze.

Molly stares at the two, fascinated, but then Hope looks at her and Molly puts her hands up in mock surrender and backs away, giving them some space. The students milling around and walking past Amy and Hope give them a wide berth.

Hope asks, "What are you doing here?"

Amy stands there, not knowing what to say. Hope glances at her phone and says, "I've got to go...I have another class... I'm sorry."

As Hope turns to go, Amy shakes her head then and grabs Hope's elbow. Hope stops, looks at Amy's hand, then at Amy, eyebrows raised. Hope waits.

Amy swallows. Nervous, hands clammy, heart pounding so hard in her chest, she says, "Here's the deal...I love you."

Hope stops, stares at Amy.

"I love you," Amy says more firmly and confidently now. "I love the you you are right now, and the you you were yesterday and the you that I'll know tomorrow. I love you and it's not just in the way they say how love is. I know I'm not perfect and love isn't perfect and it fucking ruins everything  and it breaks your heart and makes a mess." As Hope stands there, studying her face, looking in her eyes, Amy can feel her face heat up, feel the love for Hope crash into her. "And I love spending the day with you, and wearing your clothes because they smell like you. I love that you are the first person I want to talk to and the only person I want to spend the day with..." When Hope still doesn't say anything, Amy rushes towards the end of her speech. "Maybe this whole thing implodes, maybe we don't work out, maybe we change, I don't care, it doesn't matter, at least we tried. And we have to try. I can't do this without you. I've gone out with other people and...it's just different. And I know you know it, too, and I'd give anything to just give this one a shot and see how it works out."

When Hope stands there in silence, Amy nods and takes a step back. "There, I've said my piece. I just wanted you to know. You don't have to say anything."

Amy turns, dejected, and Molly, a few yards away, spots her, moves to meet her, but she stops, gestures behind Amy. Confused, Amy looks at her and turns. Hope reaches out to touch Amy's arm.

"Did you mean all that?"

Amy smiles. "Yeah."

"That's wow..." Hope says, a slow smile spreading on her face. "Like...I have no words...I can't even..."

"Shut up,"Amy mutters, looking down at the ground. "I was up all night thinking about you and I'm hopped up on caffeine and I miss you and I'm probably delirious but..."

Hope moves towards her then, puts  a hand on Amy's chin and lifts it up so she is looking at Hope. Hope gently says, "I love you, too. Very much. Probably more than anybody could love another person."

Amy feels like the world is tilting, like her breath has been knocked out of her.

"So, I guess I'm as fucked as you," Hope jokes then. But then she stops when she notices Amy's face. "Are you okay? You don't look so good. You're not going to hurl on me again, are you?"

Amy shakes her head and laughs. "No, no, just...overwhelmed."

As Hope encloses her in an embrace, leaning over to bury her face in Amy's neck and hair, planting a soft kiss on Amy's head, someone shouts, "Get a room!"

"Fuck you," Hope automatically says.

"Well, my work here is done," Molly says, appearing behind them, smiling with approval at them. "Hey, Hope. You guys make a cute couple."

"Hey," Hope says, straightening up as she puts an arm around Amy. "Thanks."

"Yeah, cute couple - like an Ent and a hobbit, or Hagrid and Dobie, are a cute couple," Molly jokes. 

"Fuck you," Amy says with a laugh. "What now?" 

"New Haven for me," Molly replies. "I've got to get back. My term papers aren't going to write themselves."

"Molly, you can just say Yale," Hope says in exasperation, as they all walk through campus.

"You want to get some pancakes?" Amy asks Molly. Amy turns to Hope. "Pancakes?"

"Fuck, yeah,"Molly says.

Hope nods. "Sure."

Molly is already walking ahead of them, looking around the campus as Hope squeezes Amy's shoulder and asks, "So, you missed me?"

Amy turns to her. "Fuck you. Yeah, I did."

Hope grins. "Nice."

"Don't get too cocky,"Amy says.

"So you guys like an item now?" Molly asks them.

Amy and Hope turn to each other, Hope's eyebrows raised. Amy nods and smiles. Hope grins.

"Cool,"Hope says.

"Very cool," Molly says."Does that mean I can get details..."

"No," both Amy and Hope say at the same time.

"That's fair,"Molly says.

As Molly launches into a rant about school, Hope and Amy look at each other. Hope leans over and kisses her. Amy smiles into the kiss as she kisses her back.

"What the fuck, guys, fucking stop that!" Molly shouts. "C'mon! You promised me fucking pancakes!"

Hope stares at Molly's back as a slow realization dawns on her. "Oh my god, am I going to be friends with your best friend now?" Hope asks in mock horror.

Amy grins. "'Fraid so. Sorry."

"Fuck."

Amy starts to laugh.

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck_." She turns to Amy. "What color goes best with anxiety and depression?"

Amy laughs harder.

As they make their way out of the campus, Amy tightens her hold around Hope, her other hand holding Hope's.  Hope squeezes her hand. As Hope holds her, Amy feels the beginning of a beautiful relationship unfolding. She feels the warmth and affection go through her. Looking at Hope, she feels happy. Everything, she realizes now, is going to be alright.

\- End - 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want some more Hope and Amy? Leave a note in the comments. Thanks for reading!


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